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What is Sex Addiction
Sexual addiction is not sexual desire. Sexual addiction is defined not by the type of sexual act performed or even by the frequency of sexual activity. Instead, it is defined by an addict's compulsive use of sex to address non-sexual emotional needs. It is frequently indicated by the willingness of an addict to suffer enormous consequences for engaging in sex. Even great sex can't be that good. And that's just the point, sexual addiction has very little to do with sex, and a lot to do with why we have sex to begin with.

The Symptoms
It is thought that sex is used by the addict as an escape, a means of avoiding stress, emotional strain, boredom, anxiety, and the pursuant shame and isolation that results from their compulsive behavior. Sex may be used to feel powerful or desirable. Sexual addiction is often accompanied by other addictions, such as an addiction to work or chemicals. The addict displays increasingly secretive behavior, deception, and withdrawal from those closest to him.

Consequences
The consequences of sexual addiction frequently have an enormous social impact. Sexual addiction often leads to the sexual abuse of an addict's coworkers, friends, and/or sexual partners. It can leave an addict isolated, depressed, and sometimes suicidal. Sexual addicts engage in sexual behavior that they know is risky, putting themselves and their partners at risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Like other addicts, sexual addicts will sacrifice relationships, their own health, and jobs to pursue their compulsion.

It is very difficult for people to move forward when they adopt understandings of problems as being located within their person. Counselling sessions with people who have approached me about 'sex addiction' have resulted in new understandings and re-namings of the problem. In one case, the 'sex addiction' problem was renamed as 'Dishonesty', in another as 'Exclusion' and in another as problems with the management of 'Frustration'. Through externalising the problems in each case we were able to start developing new relationships with each of these problems. The difficulty when a problem is seen as being internalised within a person is that it becomes difficult or sometimes impossible to develop a new relationship with a problem.

The construction of 'sex addiction' as an psychological state is one which can be questioned. I have repeatedly found that the label 'sex addiction' is one that masks another or other problems, problems that people can develop new relationships to (for example, a new relationship with 'responsibility' or 'honesty' or 'frustration'). The idea of sex addiction as an 'illness' or 'sickness' requiring 'recovery' is a little too general. Every person's situation is different and deserves a personal response.

Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.

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